Is She Nuts?

 After years of struggling with what I thought were illnesses plaguing my body, my doctor sent me to a chiropractor with a spiritual side. As I sat waiting in his office, not an examination room, but an office, my legs bumped up and down like a Yo-Yo on steroids. I couldn't help but wonder if he'd say what I thought, 'She's nuts.'  

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If I'm being honest, I was terrified of what he might say.

The office door opened, and an elderly Chinese man entered. He sat down beside me, placed his hand on my knee, and looked into my eyes. What I saw was a kind and wise soul with a sparkle in his eye.
"There's nothing wrong with you medically," he said.
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What he did say next nearly knocked me off my chair.
The doctor smiled and sighed, still keeping his hand on my knee. He said, "What is happening to you is all spiritual."

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Over the last several years, I'd had symptoms of heart attacks (mainly the symptoms men get), or sudden pains through my body, or several crazy thoughts of ending my life (I couldn't understand that one, for I'm not a suicidal person).   Many ambulance rides, MRIs, CT scans, and endless blood work had revealed nothing.  The doctors always said, "There's nothing wrong with you."  

Frustration and relief squashed into one giant question mark. What was happening to me?
I felt like a hamster on the wheel of  'I don't know,' but I kept running.

Was I becoming a hypochondriac? I asked myself.

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WHOA! All the racing thoughts came to an abrupt stop. What did he say? Spiritual, what on earth? How was I supposed to fight something I couldn't even see? How do I stop this?

As I stood up to leave, he smiled again. With no advice or clear solution to help me, I walked out of his office and into the parking lot, where my husband was waiting in our vehicle. I got into the car, put my seatbelt on, and said nothing for a minute.
Bud looked at me with questioning eyes.

"Well, what did he say?"
I looked at him.  "I'm not nuts, and everything I'm feeling and experiencing is all spiritual."
Now what? he asked.
I was still trying to process it when I snapped back at Bud, "How the hell do I know?"
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It was a long, silent road back home.  I was trying to figure out where I could go to get some help.

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A few months later, Mary entered our lives. I had hired her to work on my new horse, Hughie. Mary was an animal communicator who gave reiki treatments and could connect with animals to help them and their owners better understand each other.
I purchased Hughie a few weeks ago and still haven't ridden him. He was sad, and I wanted Mary to connect with him to explain that this was his new home and I was his new owner. His registered name is Playboy, but I couldn't see me yelling Playboy in the field, so I decided to call him Hugh or Heff. The name Hugh won out, and I later changed it to Hughie.

I stood watching Mary work on Hughie. I hoped she'd help him understand the situation, but I certainly wasn't prepared for what she said Hughie told her.
Mary turned to me and said, "Hughie can't connect with you because he can't see your heart. There's a black box surrounding your heart."

I felt faint. My mind raced. All that therapy I endured to deal with my childhood trauma and a narcissistic ex-husband who hired someone to kill me. For what? Shit, I can't even connect to my horse!
Fear gripped my heart, and tears threatened to spill over.
I looked at Hughie and Mary and asked, "What do I need to do? Can you help?"

A week later, Mary arrived at our home for a session to help me clear out what was blocking my heart. She looked around our house and headed down to a spare television room. She turned to me and said, "The energy I need to deal with is in this room. When I'm finished, I'll talk to you." With that, she walked in and closed the door.
Bud and I looked at each other and headed to the living room to wait. After Mary had been in the room for three hours, we looked at each other and said, "This isn't good; I wonder if she's still alive down there or watching a movie?" Another hour passed, and Mary finally emerged with sheets of her notes. She handed me the pile of double-sided written paper and sat on the couch beside me. I felt the blood drain from my face as she told us her findings.

"Your dead ex-husband has been haunting you for the past fourteen years, and when his mother died four months after him, she joined him. She felt you weren't good enough for her son and wanted to punish you in a way she knew would hurt you. While he focused on you and your daughters, his mother attacked your horses with sticks. One of my horses, Rufaro, had the ability to see spirits and was reacting and started to have emotional and mental problems due to this torment. His mother felt you cared more for your horses than your children, so she made you suffer for that perceived transgression.

I sat on the couch like a stone. I wasn't sure how I would deal with it — How do I fight this? How do I fight something I can't see?

Thus, my journey began. Deep in my bones, I felt a primal urge to defeat them both; a tidal wave of anger surged and overcame my fear of the unknown. I was determined to protect my horses and my daughters from two spirits who were supposed to love them, not torture them after they died.

What two pieces of cow dung they both were, I thought.

I learned that day that people are in life exactly how they are in death. No one becomes nice after they die.
Now I knew I wasn't nuts, just haunted by ghosts. It took years to finally get them out of my life. The evil mother-in-law went first, but my nasty ex remained behind.  I'd also learned a few spiritual things to manage him.  Sounds crazy, I know, but he was put in a clear cylinder of energy by another mentor I found to help me. He could choose to leave me alone, or else he was stuck in the cylinder. Guess which one he chose?

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Over the coming years, my ex would pop in unexpectedly, and I'd see him slamming his fists against the cylinder, screaming at me. No big deal.  His energy couldn't touch me. As my spiritual strength grew, I would push him away and tell him to leave.
Too bad we can't hire spirit lawyers.
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Then, over the following years, as I honed my gifts from the universe, I learned how to send all the earthbound ghosts/spirits into the light that came to me in droves. I have felt the judgment of others about my unique gifts. Their eyes roll, and you can almost hear them think, 'CUCKOO, CUCKOO.' They can't or won't comprehend this, and I'm good with that, for I know I'm not nuts.  But I must decide who is worth telling my story to.  That one's on me.
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Six more years have passed, and I decided that for Bud's 79th birthday, we would fly to Eastern Canada and visit his three sisters and spouses. We were all going to stay at the cabin on Black Donald Lake in Calabogie, Ontario. I knew the trip would do me good, for after writing my book Crossing the Centuries, I was drained. Connecting to 165 ancestral spirits and energies took a lot out of me. My spirit guides connected and told me I needed to be near water to heal my soul and fill it up again before tackling the next book. Little did I know what would transpire there. More of those stories to come.

We'd been there for three days, and I'd helped everyone who asked with healing and readings. Guess who showed up. Yep, the ex! He'd been absent for a year or two, so I thought maybe he decided to leave since his power to hurt me was gone. 
I looked at him, still stuck in his cylinder, glaring at me with his arms crossed and feet apart. Within a split second, I knew what needed to be done.  I opened a universe vortex and sent him into it. I watched him tumble over and over as the cylinder travelled through the blackness of the universe. Then I closed the vortex, knowing finally he was gone.  That may sound weird to you, but spiritual stuff usually is.
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On that day, I realized how the kind words of the elderly doctor had helped me grow so much.  I'm now in control of all aspects of my life.  My mind, body and spirit are strong.  I have a wonderful husband and children who love me.
I have many horses, along with Hughie, who see my heart.

​So, call me nuts if you want, but this cowgirl knows who she is.

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